On the brink of destruction

There is an abundance of news this week, mostly international. (I’m ignoring the Alberto Gonzales dust-up, as its now an every day occurrence to discover dastardly deeds by our current administration.) Keep an eye on the escalating tension between Iran and Britain, as there’s no telling where this will end up. Especially in light of Saudi Arabia’s statement yesterday denouncing the U.S. presence in Iraq. You wanted to empower the Middle East with a democratic voice, didn’t you Georgie? I’d laugh gleefully at the irony of it all but the possibility of a new world war dampens my joy somewhat.

After the bear shat in the woods and the Pope put on his funny hat, the National Organization for Women endorsed Hillary Clinton for president.

A bizarre story out of Pakistan – female Islamic students kidnapped an alleged brothel owner, holding her captive until she “repented” of her immoral acts.

And Karl Rove rapped last night. If you’ve fully digested your breakfast, watch the video.

Purity Balls and Smurf Dope

I’m in a weird mood this week and am finding stories like this fascinating. Not sure why; perhaps it’s just the use of the phrase “Smurf dope.”

Speaking of dope, Rep. Bob Barr is my new hero. The conservative Congressman has smartly realized that perhaps the biggest threat to America these days isn’t weed. Just think – with the money we spend putting pot smokers in prison, we could secure our ports. Or something related to The War on Terror (said in the righteous drawl of Captain America).

I don’t even know where to start with this one so I’ll just leave you with two words: Purity Balls. Let the creepiness wash over you.

Frivolity for your weekend

It’s Friday and I’m feeling frivolous so let’s do a celebrity roundup, shall we? Divert your eyes from the startled UN chief in Baghdad (but don’t actually. Watch this posthaste and watch it twice – once for the Secretary General’s reaction and once for al-Maliki’s. He’s so Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now.)

Where was I? Ah yes, celebrities. The most important people in the whole wide world! I’d like to award a Sharp Skirt to the unfortunately shouldered Brooke Shields for her honesty about motherhood.

“24/7 with the kids? I don’t know how people do it. If my main job was just to be with the two of them, I would not be as effective. I would be short-tempered; I would be less appreciative. Some people just revel in it, and that’s beautiful. I revel in a different way.”

I’m right there with you, sister. The effect of the quote was somewhat lessened by Perez Hilton scrawling “Bad Mom” over the accompanying picture. Perez sweetie? Shut the hell up.

While you’re watching videos, check out this one of Lily Tomlin cursing like a sailor on the set of I Heart Huckabees. It’s especially fun to watch Dustin Hoffman awkwardly observing, then trying to play peacemaker.

In case you missed the debut of the latest Jolie-Pitt acquisition, hie thee to Hello! Magazine for exclusive! pictures of Pax Thien. Word is they forked over $2 million for the exclusive! rights. What price are your little angels fetching these days?

News Today: Special Dreamboat Editon

A quick news wrap-up for you today:

-When someone asks you why Alberto Gonzales is resigning (please GOD let that opportunity arise), point them to this op-ed in today’s NYT by David Iglesias, catchily titled ‘Why I Was Fired.’ It pretty much sums it up.

-Democrats are having to choose between one of their wealthiest financiers and the powerful pro-Israel lobby Aipac. I’m biased but I think Sen. Dreamboat’s official response to the issue was perfect. Of course. Sigh.

-Ooh! Ooh! Karl Rove’s being subpoenaed! Make that a double Sigh.

-And I’m liking this Schwarzenegger fellow more and more each day.

VentBox

If you’re not one of those reader types, screw the muckrakers and just bitch about life in general. As a contender for the Filling Absolutely No Need Whatsoever award, VentBox ranks up there with Cute Overload. HOWEVER, the joy at seeing “George W. Bush is a butt face” in print cannot be overestimated.

All the fun of a law clerk, none of the pay!

clipped from www.tpmmuckraker.com TPM Needs YOU to Comb Through Thousands of Pages

Looking for something to fill the empty hours in your day? Have a yen for reading thousands of pages of materials from the Department of Justice? Popular blog TPM Muckraker has a job for you. Comb through the 3,000 pages of docs just released by the DoJ and try to find something to pin on Alberto Gonzalez. If there’s any sort of prize involved, it can’t possibly top the feeling of satisfaction you’ll have at throwing Gonzalez out on his ass.

Revisiting Haditha

60 Minutes had an excellent interview last night with Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich, one of the soldiers charged with murder for the killing of 18 Iraqi civilians in Haditha in 2005. It’s riveting to watch. Wuterich is well-spoken and confident in the face of questions from reporter Scott Pelley that show just how little we understand war in general and Iraq in particular.

“What I did that day, the decision that I made, I would make those decisions again today. Those are decisions that I made in a combat situation, and I believe I had to make those decisions.”

It further reinforced my initial contention – when you train someone to kill other humans, don’t be surprised when they do.

It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World

You’ve no doubt heard that Khalid Shaikh Mohammed (aka Unkempt Hairy Terrorist) has confessed to every crime ever committed in the history of the human race. Amazing what a little waterboarding can do. Besides the killing of Daniel Pearl – “I decapitated with my blessed right hand the head of the American Jew, Daniel Pearl, in the city of Karachi, Pakistan.” – he’s apparently solely responsible for 9/11 (Osama Who?), the shoebomber attempt, the Bali nightclub bombing, and the attempted assassination of several US presidents including Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. You can find the complete list here. If you’re also so inclined, you can read transcripts of his ramblings at the World War 4 Report. What happened to 3? Did we miss something?

We can only take this to mean the war on terror is officially over. We send resounding kudos to the crafty CIA operatives who undoubtedly obtained these confessions while strolling in a sunny park along the Tiber (or something), eating Italian ices and petting puppies with Mr. Mohammed. Huzzah!

Today in Religion

It isn’t often that someone manages to piss off evangelicals and gay rights activists in one fell swoop. The feat is so impressive that I considered awarding this guy a Sharp Skirt, just for bringing us all together into one big family of “You’re a F**ing Nutjob!” But we so rarely give those out these days…

Anyhoodle, get a load of the Reverend Albert Mohler. He’s president of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and his recent article titled “Is Your Baby Gay?” asserts that a) homosexuality is likely biological and b) we should therefore be able to reverse it via prenatal intervention. I’ll give you two guesses as to which assertions pissed off which group. Fellow Jesus-ites are annoyed he’s not adhering to their “gay is a choice and we can pray it to death” line of thinking. Gay-ites are calling him Dr. Mengele.

On a completely unrelated note, a recent study has found that religion-crazy Americans are surprisingly stupid when it comes to… religion. Sixty percent of Americans can’t name the Ten Commandments and only 36% of high schoolers know that Ramadan is the Islamic holy month.

The Spring of Our Discontent

It’s been a busy week in Washington, with everyone nattering on about what Li’l Scooter’s guilty verdict will mean for Captain America. (Who’s dead, by the way. Not Bush of course but the real Captain America. Does this mean I have to find another nickname?) Anyway, here’s what you might have missed.

Robert Novak shares his two cents on the Libby verdict. Though I much prefer Wonkette’s pithy summary, boiling it down to such key points, “Why don’t you go cry about it stupid liberals?” and “I am the god of hellfire.”

We’ve got the Bin Laden bug again for some reason. Perhaps the Walter Reed debacle forced Captain Whatever to flee to South America, where the Virgin Mary appeared to him in a dream and disclosed Bin Laden’s whereabouts. She does that a lot down there, you know.

Hey, here’s something funny! Remember that whole ‘Clinton screwed an intern!’ thing? How we impeached him over it? And distracted the nation from the real issues at hand, namely corralling some weirdo fanatic called Bin Laden? Well it seems Billy isn’t the only one who likes himself some sexual relations. Welcome to the innate weakness of humanity, Newt. Glad you could join us. Oh and could you give some of those rocks back before you retire to your glass abode?